I was back in front of the operating theatre again. I couldn’t keep still and kept walking like before. I was still worried about Tai. I have seen in the movies and read in the newspaper about mothers who died after giving birth. It’s possible that she wouldn’t make it. She is so much weaker than other pregnant women plus she is a bit too young for this kind of thing.

About twenty minutes passed. I tried to calm myself down by taking some long breaths and drinking some water. But that didn’t help much as I now wanted to go to the toilet! But, I didn’t dare go because I might miss her coming out. So, I had to jump up and down as I walked back and forth.

Finally, the double-doors opened and Tai’s doctor came out. I quickly walked up to him and paid him respect. Before I could ask him any questions he smiled and said to me “Everything is fine, she is OK. There is nothing to worry about, the nurses will bring her out soon.” I nodded and gave him a wai. He smiled and said “No problem” and then he excused himself and left.

After listening to the doctor, I was no longer worried about Tai. I came back and stood still in front of the door. I really wanted to see Tai come out as fast as I could. I don’t know why. Maybe I just missed her and wanted to be there with her!

Less than ten minutes later, the double-doors opened again. It was Tai! I ran towards her. She was sleeping! I saw a tear in the corner of her eye. She must have been crying because of the pain. Poor Tai, she doesn’t cry very easily like other girls. I felt very upset. I really wanted to be with her but I couldn’t. I touched her on the forehead and stroked her hair a couple of times.

The nurses took Tai inside the recovery room and closed the door behind them. The room was only a few meters away from the nursery. I stood outside trying to look in but I couldn’t because the door was completely closed. I couldn’t slide it open myself as you were only allowed to visit the patients in this room during the evening.

I thought about doing something for Tai to make up for not being there with her during the operation, even though it wasn’t my fault. I quickly ran up to the room to get some money and my motorbike keys. Then I came down to the nursery to have another look at my daughter before I went outside. She was now in a cot near the window so that I could see her better. I was pretty sure that she was sleeping because she didn’t move much and didn’t cry!

I would have liked to stand there and look through the glass all day. But before I could do that I had to go out to buy Tai some white roses and freshen myself up. I wanted to be back in time to be the first one who visited her and the first one she saw when she woke up. I would be sitting there by her bed with the white roses!

I was really in a good mood, nothing could destroy my happiness. I felt relieved and very happy that after all the problems, everything was all right. Nothing had gone wrong.

I am very proud that I have become a father for real now. I know lots of things will change as I have started a new chapter in my life. I have to grow up even faster than before and I can’t play around with my friends like I sometimes still do. I am quite ready for that. I will do everything in my power to give my baby everything she needs in life and I promise I will be a superb parent! Let’s see …

This story was originally published in the Bangkok Post.