The nine monks are now getting out of the pick-up truck and starting to walk into my fiancee’s house one by one. I am standing with Tai with our hands together in the proper way to pay respect. Yesterday I didn’t think we would be ready on time but it looks like everything will go to plan.

Richard came to the house last night at about 5pm to set up the computer for the web cam. About one hour later, Tai’s mum finally came back and took us out to buy the presents. We shopped around for nearly four hours until we finally had bought everything.

Back at the house, there was a message to say that my parents had telephoned. I called them and my mum said I had to go to sleep at their house tonight. She also said that a neighbour would look after baby Grace during the wedding.

I was disappointed that my daughter wouldn’t come but I understood why. In Thai culture, it is not good that a couple has a baby before they are married. I said OK to my mum and told her I would go back home soon. She then asked me about where we had been. I told her about the things Tai’s mum had forgotten to buy. Before she hung up, she said don’t forget to wrap up the clothes.

I went to tell Tai’s mum about wrapping the clothes. She said she didn’t know that. She then gave us some money to go out to buy some wrapping paper. It was 9 o’clock by then so most of the shops were closed. We had to ride around for quite a long time until we eventually found a shop. When we came back I was really tired. I gave a goodnight kiss to Tai and then caught a taxi to my parents’ house.

As it was already late I thought everyone would be in bed. But, when I arrived, my parents were still up and working. My dad was cutting some foam into the shape of our names to stick on the wall tomorrow. My mum was wrapping the phaa wai clothes with red paper. They seemed to be very busy so I sat down and helped them.

The next morning, my mum woke me up at 5:30am. I quickly jumped up and went straight to take a shower without any complaint. I am not usually like this but today is my wedding day! I was really excited. I got dressed into my dad’s suit and helped my parents get everything ready. We left home at about 6:00am.

We arrived at Tai’s house half an hour later. I was pretty scared to get out of the car as my legs were shaking hard. I didn’t know how I really felt then, as there were so many feelings racing through my body. I took a deep breath and then got out of the car. After only one step I felt that everyone was focused on me. I didn’t really know what to do. Then my mum came up to me and asked me to go to the hairdresser’s with her. I quickly nodded and ran after her.

In the hairdresser’s, I was shaking like a baby bird. I looked outside to Tai’s house and could see that lots of people were walking around doing this and that. I looked up higher to the third floor. I saw Tai there on the balcony! She smiled and waved at me. I did the same thing back to her. I don’t know why, but from that moment on I felt so much better.

Tai and I are now sitting in front of the head monk. My wedding is going to start in a few moments. We grasp each other’s hand real hard and smile at each other. I am very happy. It is the most exciting experience I have ever had.

Part Two

It’s now about half past seven in the morning, Tai and I are sitting on the floor facing the head monk. The biggest ceremony of my life is about to start. I am very nervous and excited about it. My heart is beating fast like a mad drum. Suddenly, a really weird feeling rushes through my body. I start to feel a bit uncomfortable. I am trying to calm down but it isn’t easy at all. I have never ever felt like this before.

Everyone is taking their seats. I am still not better but when Tai gasps my hand damn tightly, I realise that it isn’t just me who has this really weird feeling. I turn my head slowly to her and we smile shyly at each other. I don’t know how but after I see the smile on Tai’s face, I suddenly feel so much better.

The monks are now getting into the proper sitting formation and so we no longer have time to be nervous. The chant-leader is passing me a lighter; I take it from him and crawl on my knees to the shrine with Tai right behind me. I stop and put my hands together to pay respect to the Buddha image then start to light the candles and the joss sticks.

Paying respect to the Lord Buddha is really the beginning of every Buddhist ceremony. We believe that the Buddha is very important so we always pay respect to him first before we start any important ceremony. My wedding is now finally rolling forward. I am so happy.

We then shuffle backwards about one metre on our knees and pay proper respect by bowing down to the floor three times. After that we crawl back to where we were before. When we are both sitting properly, the head monk moves his fan from the wall and holds it in front of his face. He begins to chant alone for a few sentences, and after that the rest of the monks join him. They are really good; none of them get lost or forget the words!!!

The chanting goes on for half an hour and we have to sit there with our hands together for the whole time. It isn’t fun for us at all; especially for me as I am wearing a long sleeved shirt and a pretty thick blue suit jacket. It is really hot and I am sweating. After a short time, the sweat starts running down my face like a broken dam. Even my handkerchief is full of sweat and it’s now nothing more than a useless wet cloth.

I am starting to look pathetic but suddenly my mum arrives with a fan. Ah! Just in time to save my looks! But that’s not the only problem. While I was sweating there was something else going on at the same time. There was some pretty bad numbness starting to build up in my toes and is now going on up my legs. I feel like I am being tortured!

I turn my head to the right and I can see some people putting some plates of food onto the floor near the monks. A big smile fills my face, as I know that the chanting is going to be over soon. You know, if I didn’t see this sign, I wouldn’t have known a thing about when this chanting is going to finish. It’s all because they are chanting in Pali, so I don’t really understand any of it. But at least I know that the monks are kind of wishing us luck and telling us not to break the five precepts.

Five minutes later, the first period of chanting has finally finished. I couldn’t really get up by myself because of the pain so Tai has to help me up! I have to say that I am so happy that the first part is finally finished; I don’t know what I would do if it went on longer!

Part Three

The short break is now over. Tai and I are about to offer food to the monks. I pick up one of the plates and put it on the yellow cloth in front of the head monk. After that I have to walk on my knees to the next monk and do the same thing for him. Tai is touching my back with her two hands. Women aren’t allowed to touch or give anything straight to monks. She shares the merit I am making by touching me.

After we have finished offering food to the ninth monk, we get up and walk outside to let the monks eat their meal. We come out to the front of the house where all of our guests have been sitting during the chanting. I definitely don’t know all the people here because some of them are Tai’s guests. We walk around and introduce each other to our relatives as we are going to be in the same family in a very short time.

You might think that what I am doing is fun, but really it is not. I really wanted to sit down and chat with some of my old school friends while the monks are having their meal. But I can’t. As a groom I have to walk around with the bride and greet everyone who has come to our wedding. I am really tired even though the ceremony is still near the beginning!

The monks are now finished and all of the plates have been cleared away. Tai and I walk back into the house. The chant-leader prepares the offerings (three lotus flowers, a candle, three joss sticks and some money in an envelope) and puts them in front of each of the nine monks. We then kneel in front of the head monk and put the offering on his cloth. We pay him respect and then move onto the next monk.

Once we have finished, we crawl back to sit in front of the head monk who is about to start the next period of chanting. The chant-leader passes me a bowl and a glass full of water. I know straight away that it is gruat nam time. Gruat nam is a Buddhist thing we always do after making merit. We believe it is a way to share the merit we just made with our dead ancestors. Also, at the same time, we ask them to protect us and give us good heath.

The monks are now beginning to chant and so I start to slowly pour the water from the glass into a bowl. Tai is sitting right next to me and touching my right arm. After all of the water has gone, I put the glass down and we both put our hands together, at chest level, and continue listening to the monks.

While the monks are chanting, the head monk is making some sacred water. After they have finished, he dips a bunch of sticks into the sacred water and then blesses us by shaking the sticks over our heads. The bowl is now being passed onto the next monk. We walk on our knees until we reach the next monk. We bend our bodies down a little while the monk is blessing us. We have to do this until we reach the last monk in the line!

I carry the bowl back from the last monk and put it next to the Buddha shrine. All of the monks are getting their stuff ready to leave. The head monk leads all of the monks out to the pick-up truck. We are standing by the door and waiting to pay respect as they walk pass us.

After they have gone, I quickly run upstairs and get changed from my dad’s suit into the Thai style silk suit. Tai is in her mum’s bedroom changing her clothes as well. Tai stays there while I run down and go to meet my grandparents outside for the wedding parade. I am really excited because this is the fun bit!

Part Four

I am standing at the front of the wedding parade with my grandfather. We are about a hundred meters away from Tai’s house. (Really we should start from my house but it is too far!) All of my relatives are carrying things such as a banana tree, sugarcane tree, various kinds of food and the money for the sin sod (dowry). All of this will be offered to Tai’s parents.

We start to walk slowly to the house making a very loud noise. Some people are beating drums and others are dancing and singing something like “I am coming, I am here!” About half way to the bride’s house, we meet a married couple (Tai’s uncle and aunt). They are there to welcome the parade and lead us to the house.

My grandfather and I are now standing in front of the house. We can’t go in because there are two people holding a silver belt between them. There is only one way to get them to open the “gate” and that is to pay them some money. We give them an envelope of money each and then they let us pass through. However, after only a few steps there is another gate! The people on this gate are asking for two envelopes each! After paying them we then reach the final gate. This is the most expensive and my grandfather has to give them quite a few envelopes!

I am now sitting on the floor with my grandparents and parents. Our relations are bringing in the trays of food and sin sod and placing them on the floor. My grandfather asks Tai’s parents to check the food. There are two trays of everything in two rows on the floor. At the end of one row there is only one tray. It is traditional for the bride’s side to fill the space with a tray of food to make it equal.

It’s now time for the bride to come out but she doesn’t! Someone comes and tells me that Tai can’t come out because I haven’t unlocked the last gate. I quickly go to the door at the foot of the stairs with my grandfather. This “door” is really difficult to open and we have to use many envelopes to get it open!

It finally opens and I run up the stairs to fetch Tai. The two families are now sitting on the floor facing each other. My grandfather asks how much we have to pay for the dowry. Tai’s mum replies “40 thousand baht and four baht gold”. My grandfather then puts a large bundle on a tray and starts to unwrap it. Inside there are four piles of hundred baht banknotes, a gold bracelet and a necklace. He spreads the money out and invites Tai’s parents to take a look.

After they are happy that there are no fake banknotes, my grandfather passes them a small bowl of dried flowers. They grab a handful and sprinkle some on top of the money in a clockwise direction wishing us good luck for our marriage. Then, when they have both finished doing that, all of our married relations also take turns.

Finally they are finished and I pick up the cloth with all of the money in it and hand it to Tai’s mum. She takes it from me and then runs upstairs to put it away in a safe place. She makes it look like she is running away with the money and so everyone laughs!

A few minutes later she comes back and sits down on the floor next to Tai’s dad. I now offer them some gold, a bracelet and a necklace. Tai is sitting in front of me and waiting for me to put the gold around her neck and on her wrist. After I have done that, I take the ring out of my suit pocket and put it on the ring finger on her left hand.

Do you think that means I am finally married?

Part Five

Tai and I are now sitting together and her parents are facing us. We bend down to the floor and pay respect to them before we give them the phaa wai clothes. Then we bend down to them one more time. After that, we put our right hands on a pillow in front of us and let them tie a piece of string around our wrists. This is a sign of being accepted into their family.

This is then repeated with all of our relations until both of our wrists are full with white string! It’s kind of boring doing the same thing really but at least we get something out of it. Before each relation can tie the string around our wrists they have to first put some money into a bowl! They do this to help us get started in our married life.

We are now outside the house. There are many more people now compared to earlier and we are again walking around and greeting the guests. Most of them are now sitting down eating. Really, most of them don’t take part in the first part of the ceremony. They are only here for the blessing ceremony, which is next, and of course the food!

My brother is coming up to me and tells us to go into the house. We excuse ourselves and follow him inside to settle ourselves down for the final part of the ceremony. We are now sitting next to each other with a special set of tables in front of us. There is a pillow on each table and also a smaller table with a bowl of roses. They were preparing this while we were outside!

My grandfather is standing in front of us and puts a garland around our necks. He then reaches inside his shirt pocket and takes out some white string (sai sin). Each end of the string has been tied into a big loop. He now puts the loops on our heads. Thai people believe that it is a symbol of being together. It’s like we are now tied to each other. After that he then uses some white powder to mark three spots on our forehead.

He is now holding a small conch full of water. We stretch our hands out. Our elbows are resting on a pillow and our hands are above a small bowl. He pours some water from the conch onto my hands. At the same time he wishes me good luck and gives me some tips about married life! Then he steps aside and does the same thing to Tai.

After he has finished, he picks up a small souvenir and everyone else queues up to take their turn to bless us with water. We smile and listen to all of the advice that is given to us! The only people that don’t come in are my old school friends. They are outside eating and chatting. I didn’t know before but teenagers are not allowed to join this part of the ceremony.

The final guest has finished at last. Now it’s time for us to go outside and join the party! My stomach is rumbling, as I haven’t eaten anything since early this morning. But I can’t sit down to eat and chat with my friends, as we have to go around and meet all the guests at each table. My face muscles are starting to hurt as I have been smiling at people for so long now!

Four hours later the party is over and all of the guests have gone back home. Tai and I go up to the bedroom to lie down. We are talking about today. Even though we are exhausted we still feel really happy about everything. I am glad that everything was done in the traditional way. I then suddenly remember about the last part of the ceremony in the bedroom! Didn’t my grandmother say they would come up here? I quickly glance around but don’t see anyone hiding. To be safe I get up to lock the door!

This story was originally published in the Bangkok Post.