About a week ago, my grandmum invited my girlfriend’s mum to her house to have a chat about us. My girlfriend was very excited that her mum was coming. So was I. We helped each other clean our room so it would look nice when her mum came. After we had finished, her mum arrived with Tai’s brother. We followed them into the house to pay respect to her mum and then we went back outside to wait.

After about half an hour, her brother came out and asked us to come back in. We went in and sat on the floor while they were sitting on the chairs. Then my girlfriend’s mum asked Tai how much she could trust me? My girlfriend looked at her mum’s face and then at my face and then she replied, "I would say that it is more than 80 percent." Her mum asked me the same question and I replied the same as my girlfriend. Then my grandmum told us to go back outside.

Another fifteen minutes later, they all came out of the house. Her mum and her brother went back home straight away. Before they got in the car, we paid her mum proper respect. My girlfriend asked her mum what they talked about in the house. She said to her, "Don’t worry, it’s a good thing. You will find out soon". She gave my girlfriend and me a smile and then drove off.

We quickly walked back to my grandmum and asked her. She said, "Calm down, calm down. I will tell you now what we talked about." Then she went to sit on a chair in the garden. We sat down too and waited for her to tell us. My heart was banging very fast. I was very excited to know.

A few minutes after that, she started to tell us. She said, "We both decided that you should get married before having a baby and then we also talked about the sin sot (dowry) that we have to give to Tai’s mum and the date for the wedding. But we couldn’t decide about the exact amount of money for the dowry and the date yet because Tai’s mum needs to think about it first".

She stopped to take a breath then she went on. "Tai’s mum will talk to an astrologer to find out the best day for the wedding after she finished the discussion with her relations about the dowry".

We were very happy to hear that we were going to get married but I was a bit worried about the dowry. I don’t know how much people normally asked or paid for the dowry. I hoped that her mum was not going to ask us for too much.

I have heard that in America they sometimes have "shotgun weddings" when you get your girlfriend pregnant. Some people might think or say that this is a shotgun wedding, but you know what, it is not. I would still marry Tai even if she wasn’t pregnant. Really it is our decision to get married not her mum or my grandmum. I was the one who told my grandmum that I wanted to marry my girlfriend and I asked her to talk to my girlfriend’s mum.

A few days ago, Tai’s mum telephoned to talk to my grandmum about the dowry. We were sitting in our room waiting for them to finish talking. We were very excited. Our bodies were shaking and our hearts were banging really fast. At last she came in and told me how much the dowry was going to be. I was shocked after I heard that Tai’s mum wants one hundred thousand baht! I am not sure that my family can afford to pay that or not. We aren’t rich, just an average working class family. I am starting to be worried that the wedding might not happen after all. I hope it isn’t going be that way. I love Tai and I want to marry her before the baby is born. I want to do everything properly by Thai tradition.

This story was originally published in the Bangkok Post.